The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
