craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
