mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I love having hate sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
