she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
