she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
