I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
