I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
