So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.