God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied