I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.