They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
