I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
