You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.