this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
