Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
