fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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