Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He has the fingertips of a God
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