i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
