my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
