I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
