I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
