the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
