Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
