oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
