dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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