just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
