she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
