I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
