The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
