my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
