He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
