Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
