Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize