I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
