I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
