I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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