I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
