sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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