come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just google imaged poop.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
