Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
