Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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