yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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