a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
