The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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