im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
