Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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