Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
