I'm going to jail i love you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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