How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
