This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
