In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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