we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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