Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
