Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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