What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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