It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
