yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
