My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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