i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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