bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
