Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
