just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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