Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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