Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
