i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.