someone threw a dead crab at me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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