no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize