Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
