What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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