She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
