11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
