i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
