Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
