Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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