I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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